I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
