It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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