Are we in a gay sports bar?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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