im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
