i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
