I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize