Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
