This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
