My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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