apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
