I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
