Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
