I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
