your room smells of hookers.
And success
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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