fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
