Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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