i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My vagina just clenched in fear
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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