My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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