no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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