woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
