She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
