R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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