So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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