Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize