the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
