just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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