Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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