You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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