i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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