Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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