We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
