you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this will be a night to untag.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
