it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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