I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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