Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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