She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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