I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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