she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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