i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
