Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
