My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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