Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
