he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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