I want to have your abortion
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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