Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
