I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she looked like the before picture.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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