The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
