Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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