so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and you said cock pushups were impossible
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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