Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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