You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
