i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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