My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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