You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
