Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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