i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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