I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
