I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize