Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
