if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
