i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
