dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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