Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
