you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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