Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
